Happy the airport still has the country store, if in very different form (and possibly bought out)! I remember picking up/dropping off Mrs. L. at the airport when I was a kid. The country store had popcorn, penny candy (though we probably spent way more than a penny), big tissue paper flowers on sticks, and old-timey toys. It looks like a food place you'd find in a mall now -- no "inside" the store, just a counter.

Made it here safely. Went to dinner at Dinah's.

The hotel has lotsa fakes -- fake balcony, fake stream, fake art.

Wasn't feeling the time zone at first, there was so much sunshine! Now it feels very much like after midnight...

OH and if you're wondering what I'm doing here, either you haven't heard from me lately or you're not on Facebook (or both!).

Cast off the shackles of yesterday
Shoulder to shoulder into the fray
Our doctor's daughters will not know us
As we sing in grateful walrus
Well done, Mister Salt Brigade!

* Look at what you drew

* Reach the thing you dropped on the floor

* Unload/reload the CD player

* See the wrinkle in your knee

* Hold your drink

* Put the lid on/take the lid off your drink

* Tie your shoe

* Fix your sock

* Find the shoe you just took off and threw and put it back on your foot

* Read


And yes, I AM being careful of that crane, promise not to drive into the river, and will not drive onto the sidewalk!

Did I eat the egg I came out of?
Did the egg I came out of have a shell?
Do moths sting?
If you stand on your head, can you pass out (because all the blood rushes *to* your head)?
Why is the general theory of relativity more popular than the special theory of relativity?

Alexander wants a helping dog. Assured that none of our dogs are at all useful, and that grandma Donna's eyesight is pretty good, he would like to get a helping dog in the near future. Watch his b-day wish list!

Max has 1 1/2 more days of school! Then 2 weeks of museum camp (CSI and Harry Potter), 1 week of astronomy camp in the park, and possibly 1 week of regular park camp.

Madeleine is acting her age -- 2. "Mines!" "No!" and various phrases that sound like Pebbles are common. Yesterday she was asking Alexander and me for money. He gave her a quarter, I gave her a penny, but she would not stop! She even tries to pick pockets. We may have to send her to Romania.

The adults are entirely boring & not worth mention. If you must know, please consult Facebook and/or Twitter.

"Can you make shredded wheat out of pine cones?"

I hope the snail shell on the kitchen table is vacant.

A.: We have to find the pirate king! He broke our tree branch!
Max: Treaty! He broke our treaty!
A.: Tree???
Max: Remember that thing we signed?

I've always liked Shoe Carnival, even though the one in Colonial Heights never had much of a carnival going on inside. No freaks, no parade, no animals, no rides.

Here, Tuesday is Grandma Day at Shoe Carnival at Rookwood! Ten percent off for senior citizens, even if they're buying Spider-Man light-up sneakers.

What could possibly go wrong? Funny you should ask...

Mom was worried we wouldn't be able to find something for every kid. (See Viorst, J., Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. "...but they can't make me wear them!") Luckily, something for everyone. I was sad the Rubik's Cube Converse didn't seem to come in Max's size, but he found some Nikes with a checkerboardy thing on the toes. Alexander -- Spider-Man, supra. And Mom found Madeleine Joy some cute ones with butterflies, very springtimey!

So, again, what could go wrong? Number one: screaming. Madeleine didn't want to put her foot in that metal thing. She only calmed down when an employee came over to help me (and that was out of fear -- she dislikes strangers). I guess that metal thing isn't so pretty, it could be cold, or it could bite your foot off. Who can say?

More screaming by Alexander, I can't even remember all the reasons. I threatened him successfully with "I'll put those shoes RIGHT back on the shelf!" Also Thing One and Thing Two both wanted to wear those shoes NOW. They have no concept of trading goods and/or services for currency.

Also -- chaos! Lots of running around, taking things off shelves, putting them on shelves, tissue paper, boxes, Alexander fencing (as in "en garde," not as in selling stolen personal property) up and down the aisles, Alexander doing a silly dance, Alexander trying to find shoes for everybody, Madeleine wanting to be carried everywhere, Max needing size 5 not 5.5, etc.!!!

Finally, finally, we picked out all pairs and were ready to check out. Mom gave Madeleine her box. Madeleine went to put it back on the shelf. Nice idea, but not quite what we needed at that time. So I gave all the boxes to Max, who was standing right there. What could possibly go wrong? He understands the currency exchanging part. Unfortunately he did not understand the store alarm part.

"It was an accident" are the 4 words that will be on Max's statement to the press some day. Sure, I KNOW he wouldn't set off the alarm on purpose! But you can't walk next to the thing around the outside door (a circuitous route to the cashier, to say the least) with stuff you haven't paid for. Didn't I just explain that 10x to the little guys?

They were happy to see us go, even though, imho, we added quite a bit to the "carnival" atmosphere this store advertises.

I hope Max's friend's parents aren't devoted to nonviolence.

I should have checked again to see whether this was PG or PG-13.*

The lady scientist has my laptop!

Also in product placement news: Nationwide must have bankrolled the fireballs.

Vegas really is alien terrain, and more movies should be shot there.

Happy to be part of the paying-Mom demographic that causes studios to hire Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, The Rock, etc., for kids' movies.

I honestly do not remember the plot from the original, even tho it was on every other weekend (alternating with The Incredible Mr. Limpet) after the 3 or 4 hours of Saturday morning cartoons!

Creepy little Stepford children, I hope the wizard gives them their hearts at the end.

Hoping Mr. Rock isn't ruined by steroids. Looks mighty healthy but who can say?

Most exciting movie I've seen in a long time!!! Fireballs, crashing vehicles of all kinds, thugs, assassin aliens, evil g-men, wow!!!

Why did the waitress believe them? Hasn't she ever heard of an Amber Alert?

More Frank Marshall scenes! Or did he chew them all up to pieces?

ann_o was right, this IS good!

Love how they handed him that hi-tek sequel gizmo at the end!

Will science be good or evil?

Will gov't be good or evil?


*It's PG, but of course there is going to be some asswhup because The Rock is in it!

What have we been up to? To what have we been up?

* I turned a gaddawful age, got snowed in, and got 2 major dings (one by scheduled phone meeting, even!) from what I thought were pretty good prospects.

* Max is up to some fun: fencing! Piano! Art lessons!

* Tio Tony & Tia Monica visited! I felt like the city ambassador. There was not enough time to do all the things and see all the things. In what time we had, we showed them school, the river, Music Hall, the zoo, Mecklenburg's (somehow Uncle Ben had us singing polka tunes by the end of the evening), and even parts of Kentucky.

* I am addicted to Facebook, not only the "wow my best friend from 3d level!" but also the insipid Pot Pies and faux fish. This is a huge time suck. I doubt I will ever get anything done again.

* In a moment of "what next?" I started an Etsy shop! It, too, goes by the name Annefesto. I have not sold one single thing! Am contemplating the 6 Stages of Etsy Obsession (more on this in another post, assuming I can get off the Pot Pie long enough to actually type something of substance).

* Alexander trashed a bathroom today. Eeew, just as I was using him to define the word "fastidious" to Max. (Martha Speaks is my heroine!) Ick. Ben fixed the toilet and I cleaned up. This while Little Miss Sunshine took a blessed break and almost fell asleep (she woke up at 3 a.m. today).

* Cleaning up made me late for knitting but I am still knitting on with the kids! Today one girl said her aunt hated elephants. One boy asked "What did an elephant ever do to her?" They crack me up!

* Mommashay and Alexander finally stopped crying at the Y! It took about 4-6 weeks for them both to not only stop crying but enjoy themselves. Now Madeleine says "graham cracker!" when we pull into the parking lot and her brother plays Miss Shauna (the gym teacher), only sometimes he's a man named John. (Holding up a book: "Can you guess what this is?" Me: "A banana!" Him: "That's a GOOD GUESS! But no, it's POPCORN!")

* COBRA is about to expire! It seems like I've been away from work forever. We're researching new health plans and the good news is they are not as astronomical as what we're paying now.

* Our garden seeds have not yet arrived. I chalk this up to "everybody wants to be Michelle Obama" and/or "everybody is planting their own food due to greenie/econ reasons." Hence, seed backlog.

Normally we despise the very idea of celebrity childrens' books, but No Dogs Allowed! is different in so many ways.

The "celebrity" has Sesame Street cred -- author Sonia Manzano has played Maria on Sesame St. since we ourselves were the target audience.* She also writes for the show and for "Little Bill," so she is indeed a writer (and a charming storyteller to boot).

I read No Dogs Allowed! to Madeleine (who loved the dog and thought all the women were "mama"), Alexander, and mom; we all thought it was a funny and good story. I read it again at bedtime to Max (with an "Elmo is on the back and the lady who plays Maria wrote it but it has NOTHING to do with Sesame Street at all" warning), Alexander, and Ben; everyone smiled.

The pictures by Jon J Muth are great -- we love the rendering of Carmen the Beautiful, the dog playing dominoes with the Wise Old People, plus small details like Marta's copy of War and Peace. I'm pretty sure my family got lost on that 2-page spread of highway once, too, in New Jersey.



* Though I suppose as adults we're the real target audience -- now that we're old enough to realize that "We All Live in a Capital I" is based on something outside of the Sesame St. block.

Alexander sort of has a chef's temperament. Madeleine, OTOH, does not. Nor does she have many good food-related ideas. Here are a few of her creations:

* Donut Water: Add a half-eaten donut to a bit of water in a cup. Optional: smush a half-eaten cupcake on top. (Note: the "half-eaten" part is the part that's left after one eats the frosting.)

* Bacon and Cheerios: Sprinkle small bits of bacon over dry Cheerios in a bowl. Do not eat.

* Asparagus au A-1: Dip asparagus spears into A-1 sauce. Lick off. Repeat. Optional: eat the asparagus.

* Nature's Candy: Raisins! Demand them at every meal.

* PB&J ala Lentil: Carefully spoon lentil soup over top portion of peanut butter & jelly sandwich. For best results, make sure that the sandwich belongs to your brother.

What's in my bellybutton?
Is "weird" a bad word?
Why can't I listen to The Wiggles?
Where's that train going?
Can we go to the hotel (in Knoxville...he wanted to go there instead of the Y today)?
Why do we say "southwest" instead of "westsouth?"


***

Overheard --

A: "I'm going to push you off the bed, Madeleine!"
Madeleine: "No thank you!"

***

File under Things I Never Thought I'd Have to Say: "We're not having raisins for dinner."

***

What's in YOUR bellybutton?
Why is that garbage truck white?
Are you driving carefully, Mom?

***

Overheard --

Alexander: Madeleine, I'm a good person so I'm not going to spank you!
(He pushed her instead. It's what good people do.)

So, what's all this talk about Year of the Ox?

Here's the thing: I have a rather weighty birthday approaching. I know some of you have already passed this milestone gracefully. I admire that, particularly because it means you will always be older (and wiser!) than I am.

But oh. My. Goodness!!!

My plan is this: every time someone starts on this topic or says "Happy Birthday" or sends me gifts, I will create a diversion by hollering "Hey, Happy Year of the OX!"

I was hoping it would be a more exciting lunar new year -- the dragon or rhino or something -- but ox is what we have to work with. I've circumvented all talk of birthdays before by throwing Chinese New Year parties (see, you didn't know, did you? It was a week or so beforehand but it worked).

I thought about taking everyone up to Chicago's Chinatown (which Mona thought was comically small, but it's the closest thing we have). Then I realized it's January, and there are few places more miserable this time of year.

So grab some red envelopes, set off some explosions, and celebrate the Oxen!!!

Yes, this is our third round of "Things I Never Thought I'd Have to Say," now that Little Miss Sunshine knows English.

"Cheese is not a toy."

Why are we in South Carolina?
Why are we here?
Why are we in North Carolina?
Why are we in Tennessee?
Are we in Cincinnati yet? (when Max asked this, Alexander -- who'd already asked it 10x -- said "it takes a long time, Max!")
Why?
What are The Wiggles doing?
Can I hold the bag of candy?
What's this song about?
Are we going up a mountain?
Are the mountains in the sky?
When will we go through another tunnel?
Where is the tunnel?
Is there a road in the tunnel?
Are we going to Cincinnati?
Where is the sun?
Where is the moon?
Is it dark outside?

Three years ago this afternoon I was driving home from Christ Hospital for the last time.

I knew the route by heart, having taken it at least daily during the time I traveled out in October, and then after coming home earlier for the holidays than we had planned. Jefferson to Eden to Auburn, past our old church, right into the hospital parking lot.

The hospital building was a mix of old and new. On top of the original structure is a white cupola, visible from different parts of town as one looks up at "pill hill." It is particularly striking when lit up at night. Inside the building is thoroughly modern, with a calming wall of water, a little oasis where one can gather thoughts, steel up, or make a wish before entering patient rooms via the elevators.

Eden was a somewhat new street -- they built a whole new medical complex consisting of research buildings, a parking garage, a Marriott, and the coroner's office over what used to be a baseball diamond.

The trip was my last, and I was relieved. Mary Joy was coming home the next morning. We'd gotten various reports about how much longer -- until the end of the year? Six weeks? Those time periods seemed like forever, given the amount she was suffering. As much as it hurt us to lose her, watching her linger in pain was worse.

Hospice should have come a month or two earlier, but doctors like to be seen as miracle workers. She didn't care about anything else any more, she just wanted to be out of that hospital and in her own house.

It was snowing. I drove around the corner where the coroner's office sits. Down the block past the crosswalk was a person -- man or woman, it was difficult to tell -- swathed in ski wear. The person plopped down on the slope by the Marriott and made an angel in the snow.

As dictated to Max:

Dear Santa Claus,

I would like these things for Christmas: some balls, candy, legos, a toy snake, a bucket [Max: "I tried to take out the crazy stuff he said. I left 'bucket' in because I got a bucket from Uncle Tony and I really liked it!"], a pet.*


He also noted "I have been very good this year. I donated things to Donna."

A's idea of "donating" is sweet and comes from our real-life trips to St. V. deP. and other outlets. But his home version involves putting a bunch of old newspapers or all of our hats and mittens into a sack, riding around on a tricycle, and delivering them to people in the house (who either already own them or, in the case of the newspapers, want them recycled). Not sure it counts as being "good" but I'm sure these lawyerly children will attempt an argument of some kind.


* Here, I intervened to give a series of lectures, beginning with "Why Santa Claus Doesn't Bring Pets Under Any Circumstances, and Why You Should Not Be Disappointed," then the follow-up, "You Have Four Dogs and A Cat, Fish, and Snails, What More Do You Want?" and (specially for Max's benefit): "If You Had A Lizard in Your Room, The Cat Would Eat It Up."

Having children 5 years apart is easy!

Having them 20 months apart is insane!

The two little terrorists we pal around with, they will Christmas as an excuse to hit each other on the head with things. Shopping for them is ridiculous. They both want what the other has, even if it's nothing they ever before considered wanting in their entire little lives.

Today I was shopping at Blue Manatee (after breakfast in their fun kid bistro). They had Maisy stuff, yeah! Tons of books, plus stuffed Maisies. I was going to get them one (A. has seen it on the book jacket -- his heroine Lucy Cousins is posing next to one!) There was a big Maisy and a smaller one that came with a book.

If I got Maisy big and Maisy small, they would argue. If I got 2 Maisy bigs, they'd get them mixed up and fight, too. If I got both small, ditto. Augh! I walked away from it all, only getting books. I don't believe sidelines cause illiteracy, but they can cause violence!

Then (while peeking into a toy store window to report to mom -- this store hadn't opened yet) I explained this to mom. She said get A. the big Maisy, give Little Miss Sunshine the smaller one. The smaller one comes in a box -- she LOVES boxes, especially anything, any container with a lid. It also comes with a small book. She will love that.

A. will be proud to own the larger Maisy, plus the Maisy fire truck book. Such a boy.

She's gonna want that fire truck book, too! She LOVES fire trucks! She thinks every vehicle with flashing lights and sirens is a fire truck (much to her EMT daddy's dismay!)

X your fingers for Xmas peace!

If nothing else, this makes my mom more sympathetic to her own mother, who had two girls 20 months apart. Seventy-plus years later, those sisters are still arguing.